I will not agree any more

 By

Arnina Kashtan

I will not agree any more

that they talk to me like this

and tell me how things should be

and explain to me why I am not ok

and shout at me to shut down

and teach me what is right

and how it is totally forbidden to behave

and why it is totally forbidden to talk like this

and try all the time

to change me

and try incessantly

again and again

to tame me

and imprison me 

in their prisons

And all this in the name of Love

And that they curse

and threat

and hit

and kill

and destroy buildings

and uproot trees

and burn factories

and choose wrong people

and fire temporary workers

and lie

but decide for me what the right religion is

And all this in the name of Justice

And that they force

and don’t respond

and turn their backs

and don’t ask forgiveness

and don’t check before they take

and slam doors

and hit before they leave

and don’t pick up a crying child

and rape

and pay more to CEO’s

and drop airplanes

and conquer lands

And all this in the name of Respect

And that they write every day

who murdered who

and who raped

and who cheated

and who escaped

and who confiscated

and who became famous again

and how many poors there are in this moment

because there isn’t enough for all

and that the planet is at danger

and that Coca Cola is the taste of life

And all this in the name of Truth

I will not agree any more

that I talk to me like this

and tell me how I should

and shout at me what is right

and believe that I am not ok

and think that I am screwed up

and that I will never heal

and read everything you are writing

and think that this is reality

and get up in the morning 

and first thing check how I look

and search what is wrong  

again

today

and give in to fear

and never eat bread again

because I have to lose weight

and eat more bread 

because I am a lost case anyway

and eat only vegetables

because it’s healthy

and not eat chocolate

and not drink coffee

and not smoke cigarettes

and not inject drugs

and be anorexic

and be bulimic

and hide

and believe everything you’re saying

as if that was the truth

and check emails 

before I check how I feel

and run to the cellular 

as if my life depended on this

and buy more

shoes

clothes

books

food

shoes

clothes

books

food

‘cause maybe the next dress 

is the right one

and that’s exactly the one I was missing

to be finally Perfect

and forget that this is not possible

because there is no such thing

and if there is – I am already perfect as I am 

and hate myself

and fix myself

every day

and marry because one should

and divorce because it’s right

and get confused

‘cause how the hell should you behave

and agree

and rebel

and give up

and go to bed again with no thought

and make love to you with no emotion

and get up in the morning rotten

and step out of bed into the mirror

and find out that I have not changed for the better

and only changed for the worse

and think that someone knows better than me

what is good for me

and not hear my pain

and not believe myself

And all this in the name of Belonging

I will not agree any more

that I talk to you like this

and tell you what is right

and preach to you how you should

and educate you to obey

and teach you to kill

and be cruel

and be tough

and be right

and ignore

and lie

and threat

and humiliate

and torture

and not hear your pain

and not believe yourself

and not listen

and not allow

and not smile

and not dance

and not

and not caress

and not love

And all this in the name of Safety